Goodbye, my Love.

For the last 13 years, Cody, the sweetest, fluffy little terrier mix, has stood faithfully by my side. 

Last week, we said goodbye to my little senior guy. I picked up his ashes today, which was harder than I would have ever guessed it could be. Seeing the little brown box sitting in my passenger seat tore into me and opened the wound that has been sitting in my heart for the last few days even wider. Knowing that I will never see his big brown eyes or hear him letting out the teeniest woofs in his sleep is almost unbearable. 

As I look at his ashes, I think of the ways in which we are going to remember our little guy. We have decided to have a friend who blows glass create a glass bird bath and mix his ashes into the glass as it is made. He loved to chase the birds in our yard. I am either giving him a final resting place in the yard he loved or forever tormenting his soul with the many birds that will enjoy our garden. 

With as many pets as I have had in my life, I have never had to make the final decision for them. It is heartbreaking and guilt-inducing (yes, I know it was the best decision for him, but that doesn't make it any easier). The final moment, his final breath will forever be imprinted in my memory. His tiny little nose, his long nails that we could never get under control as they were far too long when we brought him in to live with us, his funny little mohawk that turned grey as he grew older...

We spent his last days enjoying ice cream, Taco Deli tacos and of course, lots of snuggles. After 13+ years together, it feels surreal to look down and not see him by my side. 

Rest in peace, sweet Cody. My heart has broken a million times this week.